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She Spent The Next Several Months Making Room For Him To Stay
“Hey! Rebecca!” My father exclaimed in the gleeful way he does now that he’s retired and in the mood to fuck with me. “Yeeeesss?” I looked up briefly from my phone, where I’d been frantically editing...
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27 Ways To Make Enemies and Lose Friends
With a little help from mah friend Jason. Also? Have been blogging on my Frugal Living Blog again. 1) Order sweet potato fries for the whole table, then, rather than share, grab the basket and lick...
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Local Woman Claims “Only Thing Worse Than Having an iPhone 4S is NOT Having...
St. Charles, IL – an area woman often known as “Aunt Becky,” although she is, at time of print, not an actual aunt to anyone at all, claims that “the only thing worse than having an iPhone 4S is not...
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If You Work For A Living, Why Do You Kill Yourself To Work?
So, Pranksters, brace yourself. I have an announcement: I have, once again, decided to leave the nursing field. (if any one of you is surprised, you should probably take off your sweat pants – there...
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Year Twelve: Your Song
Benjamin Maxwell, At the highly polite hour of 2:50 in the afternoon on August 20, 2001, my life was forever altered. Certainly, people say this sort of thing, attempting to make a situation sound that...
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Pair-a-Dice City
Scene: 6:05AM, my house Dan: “I found your glasses in the bushes yesterday.” Becky: “Uh…” Dan: “I’m not gonna even ask.” Becky: “Wise move.” Dan: “You look like you’re ready for school. You got your...
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A Divorce of a *Different* Color
(ring ring) Dave: “Hey, just calling to see what time you’d be by to pick up the kids tonight.” Me: “Erms…kids? I have kids?” Dave: “Well, I think so.” Me: “Huh.” Dave: “But… they do sometimes make...
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Siri Is A Fucking Bitch
Despite my plans to run through the Apple store up the block screaming “Android Rulez!” (and yes, the “z” is absolutely necessary) every time Apple launches a new product, I’ve yet to do it. Why?...
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Panic! In The Elevator
When my kids were little and we’d get onto an elevator, they’d get this horrified look on their face like, WHATTHEFUCKISHAPPENING? And I was all, I know EXACTLY how you feel. See, eleventy-niner years...
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2013: (Insert Catchy Phrase Here)
Generally speaking, I think memes are as interesting as dry toast, so I tend to avoid them. If anyone really cared much about “which Disney Princess I am,” I’d begin to wonder about your sanity,...
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The Last, Last Time
On September the 10th, 2005 at 11:15 in the morning, Dave and I were married in front of 150 of our closest friends and family. We drank sangria and danced with our loved ones until the wee hours of...
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Guest Post: Getting More Science In The Classroom
Every now and again, Pranksters, I get pitched an article that’s worth sharing (not, obviously written by you – because I’m so bringing Guest Post Friday’s back. Email becky.harks@gmail.com if you have...
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Another Year Over
On my eighth birthday, I remember slogging ass out of bed and down to the kitchen for a bit of toast before beginning the day’s activities. A late riser as well, my father happened to be sitting at the...
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It Puts The Guest Post On The Internet Or It Gets The Hose Again: Gym Class...
Of all the new year cliches, none seem to be more true that the people who fill gyms, yoga classes and fitness centers on January 1st. I’m what you could call “a gym class regular”, not a hero, not a...
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I Had A Dream
Only because my links are sadly outdated, here are the answers to your questions: To buy a Cancer is Bullshit tee, click here. To buy an I Kicked Cancer’s Ass shirt, click here. The rest of my...
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Adult Ditch Day (Or My First Snow Day)
Back when I was a kid living in, you guessed it, Chicago* winter was full of the awesome. That is, until January hit, you’d successfully squeezed out every magic drop of Christmas present goodness –...
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Apparently, I Did Not Put The Lotion In The Basket
When my daughter was a toddler, she and I had a lot of problems with her frequent over-usage of soap and lotion. Well, her fascination with all things cleansing and moisturizing has reached an entire...
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Ding Dong
Working in Chicago (as opposed to NOT Chicago), I tend to see a lot of weird shit. Like the circulating saw blade out in front of my office next to the rusty razor blade, which I took one look at,...
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Guest Post: Tales of an Unemployed Male Web Designer
If you have an awesomely hilarious and/or ridiculous guest post you’d like to post, email me! becky.harks@gmail.com and we’ll get ‘er done. Unemployment can cause crazy things to happen in a person’s...
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Cheeseburger in… Paradise?
Growing up, my parents weren’t much for amusement parks. They considered them to be beneath us, and every time I begged to visit one of those stop-n-drop carnivals set up around the outskirts of town,...
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